Saturday, March 1, 2014

Photo Challenge and March Goals

It's March!  Do you know what that means?  That means someday soon the snow will melt and the flowers will bloom... soon everything will be green in honor of St. Patrick's Day... and it's really time to get my butt in gear and stop dragging along through this year!

First of all, I'll be taking part in the Northeast Bloggers photo challenge on Instagram!  Please feel free to follow me and also take part in the challenge.  I've claimed that I will be things like this in the past and didn't follow through so I'm holding myself accountable by putting it here for all the world to see.


Second, it's time to get some things straightened out in my personal life.  I've alluded to the troubles in my marriage and almost living Jim over the past few months.  To be completely honest and open with you all, I've been having a dream since before a turned 30.  In the dream, he and I are fighting and I scream at him- "I started my 20's with you, I'll be damned if I start my 30's with you."  It's time to do what my subconscious, my family, and many of my friends have been telling me to do.  It's time to leave.  I'll never get what I want from him- security, affection, respect, a family, etc... Instead of wasting more empty and pointless years it's time to get out and see what happens.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm terrified, what if I end up alone, what if I'm making a mistake?  Honestly, it's better to be alone than in bad or wrong company.  It's not a mistake if it's eating away at me, if it makes me sick to be around him.  It's not a mistake to break away from someone who never builds me up and always puts me down.  It's simply not a mistake. 

I'm taking a huge step by putting this here.  This makes it permanent.  I can't go back now.  Just like the photo challenge (which I do realize this is infinitely bigger than the challenge) I have to follow through with this.

I'll be honest, I haven't told Jim yet.  However, I have made some plans with my parents and will be working out more the details over the next week or so.  I plan to share some although maybe not everything here.  The point of this blog is to share my story, so that's what I'll do.  Ultimately, I want to build myself up, find my voice again, and help others who have been emotionally and verbally abused do the same. 

There you have it!  My goals for March- finish a photo challenge and leave my husband!  Pretty darn unbalanced goals if I do say so myself, but I guess it's nice to have something fun to do while undoing the last 11 years of my life.

I feel like all the blogs out there are from happy wives and mothers- are any of you divorced?  Have any of you been in a similar situation?

Suggestions, recommendations, and advice will be HUGELY appreciated!


(All weekend posts are shared with...)


Weekend Block Party Blog Linkup

2 comments:

  1. Oh wow, that is huge! I can just imagine that that is extremely scary to make such a huge decision, but if you know it's the best thing to do, then hopefully it will bring joy in the end. I know there are divorced bloggers out there, I've read some blogs where I noticed that the author was divorced or in the process--but I haven't really kept tabs on who's who so I can't remember any specific blog names at the moment!

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  2. I know you have been struggling with this decision for a long time and it sounds like you are listening to yourself and what you *know* the right long term decision is. Good luck getting everything taken care of - these kind of changes can be as exhausting logistically at first as they are emotionally tiring. I'll be thinking of you this week!!!

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