High Five for Friday (Vol. 21)

(source)

The past few weeks I've used this post to post my top 5 favorite things simply because the past few weeks have been a bit rough on me.  Today, I'd like to get back into the swing of things and start celebrating the 5 high lights of of my week.

1. This week started off with a relaxing weekend.  Planning on a massive snow storm (that ended up being a disappointment) I spent most of the weekend in bed rewatching The Office.  I will never get enough of this show!  It makes me so happy to watch it over and over, to laugh at the jokes, and fall in love with the characters all over again.  Jim and Pam are by far my favorite TV love story, with Holly and Michael coming in a fairly close 2nd. 

(source)

(source)

2.  The lounging wasn't really in preparation for the snow day.  It was in preparation for girls night in with my coworkers.  We planned on drinking and staying up late since we were either not going to have to work on Monday or we'd get to work from home, at which point we'd all work together at Amanda's dining room table, since we were snowed in.  We woke up to just a dusting on Monday here in Northern NJ, but apparently South Jersey (where most of my coworkers live) got their fair share, so Monday was still at great day because it was basically just the 4 of us in the office anyway.

3.  Tuesday night with Collin.  Seriously, my nephew is 13 months old and I get the pleasure of caring for him nearly every Tuesday night while his parents handle some business meetings.  I could not be more excited to get this time with him.  He has such a personality and is simply my favorite little person in the whole world.  I cherish these nights together and look forward to talking about them so I can embarrass him when he's old and starts bringing girl friends around (just kidding... maybe.)

4.  Pitch Perfect Trivia night!  This movie is my favorite movie right now!  I could watch it over and over and over again!  So when I found out they were having a themed trivia night at our local Houlihan's there was no question that I was in!  I literally spent all day on Wednesday "studying" while I was "working" at work, and was ready to crush the competition.  I went with Jim and his best friend Dave, who also loves the movie, and we pretty much dominated until teams in the back started  cheating on their cell phones.  *sigh* Oh well, we came in 4th and still had a wicked good time.  I'm glad I went since I've never been to a trivia night before, and I'll definitely be going back in May when the do The office (refer to #1 on today's list.)   

(source)

5. I finally completed the 5 "pinterest" meals that I set out to do last week.  It wasn't a week straight but I cooked them all, they all turned out well, and I'm starting to branch out in my cooking ideas/abilities.  Thursday nights was especially good and easy!  Hopefully, I'll get a full post up about what I tried and how it went over the weekend.

That's it for me ladies!  As always, thank you for coming to hang out for a bit, I hope you all had a fabulous week and have an even better weekend!  Until next time...

Linking up with the lovely Lauren, Jennie, the Northeast bloggers and 

What drives me?

(source)

This weeks Girl Between the Lines ( linking up with Haley and Lauren) questions is very interesting to me because my reasons have changed so much in not even a year and seem to continue to change everyday. 

"Why do you blog?  What does it mean to you?"

Originally my reason was just to get things off my chest.  I felt like I had a lot to say and no one to say them to.  Whenever I tell a story or talk to my friends, I get interrupted or talked over, leading to personal frustration as well as there's, since it feels like everything I say drags on and on. 

Shortly after starting my blog, I began my IVF experience and found this was a great outlet to express what I was feeling and what I was going through.  I also found that there are so many women out there who hide their infertility.  I wanted them to see that this is a normal thing to go through and that they don't have to hide.  I wanted to offer them positivity and almost a sisterhood, reminding them that they're not alone, they will get through this, and they will hold their miracle babies someday!

As we moved through the process, I started to notice more and more issues in my marriage.  Let me be clear that I have never had a perfect marriage, as there is no such thing, and I think because I was young and somewhat naive I looked over a lot of the flaws.  However, as we came closer and closer to having a child, and became less and less secure financially it became clear- Jim and I will never be on the same page.  He is lazy, nasty, and unproductive.  He cares more about hanging out with his friends and bowling, than making sure we have money for our bills.  He's never held a stable job, he thinks my parents should always bail us out of any financial trouble that we may run in to, he's verbally and emotionally abusive.  He's the exact opposite of what I actually want my husband or father of my children to be like. 

So once again, the blog changed directions.  Now I was using as a way to get out how I was feeling about him and how I wanted out.  As I grow and become stronger, I write about how I'm doing.  In some ways it's more of a journal than anything else.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm all over the place right now and so it my blog, but it's a fairly good picture of who I am.  My reason to blog now is to share my story and again let women know they're not alone, they don't have to cower and be afraid the way I have been for so many years.  We deserve better, we deserve the best, and we shouldn't settle. 

Of course, mixed in with all this very personal information I also enjoy blogging so that I can share recipes and crafts that I love.  I hope that someday I may be able to share positive relationship advice, maybe even talk about another marriage, and I certainly pray that someday I'll be able to talk about being a mom.

This blog means everything to me.  It truly is a way to get out some of my inner most thoughts, a way to express myself in a "judgement free" zone, and sometimes it helps me to just work out the issues  that have been weighing on me so that I can focus and see things clearly.  I love that I've joined this community, I hope that my little piece of the Internet will grow as I grow, that I will be able to help empower women who feel like they just can't get anywhere and let them see that they can and will have a better future.

If nothing else, I blog so that I can believe this statement and help others to believe it as well- believe in yourself, stay strong, and know your worth.  Everything else will fall into place.

Blogmopolitan Quiz

One of my favorite things to do is grab the newest edition of Cosmo and curl up on the couch.  I usually pig out while reading, which is a failure because then I feel guilty looking at all the gorgeous women, but that's besides the point! 

I stumbled across a new blog recently (well it's new to me) and saw that they were offering a fun little quiz series based on the quizzes Cosmo has their celebrity cover girls fill out.  I'm about a month or 2 late for getting involved, but figured it's better late than never, plus I just wanted to do something fun today after being so blah lately!  So here you have it, my first 2 Blogmopolitan Quizzes!



Girls Night In- Success!

Last night, I stayed at a coworker/friend's house.  We were expecting a massive snow storm and she lives closer to work, so it made sense to stay over in case we still had to go into work.  We made it a full on girls night in!  There were 4 of us total, Amanda (the house owner and a friend from high school, it's such a small world) made us an amazing dinner!

We started out with meatballs and crostini's for appetizers.  The recipe for the crostini's is from the show, Extra Virgin, sadly I couldn't find it on their website.  But it was prosciutto and mozzarella melted on crostini's then drizzled in a brown butter and sage sauce, my mouth is still watering just thinking about it.  Then we had a gluten free lasagna, and we finished up with nutella creme brulee... drool!!!  It was all amaze-balls!  She is an amazing cook and I learn so much from her. 

Once we had food in our bellies it was time to get our drink on!  We had this delicious cocktail, which I'll call the Italian cookie, I've posted the recipe at the end of this post, try it, you'll love it!  She also introduced us to the "Dr. Pepper," which is literally just Coke and a shot or 2 of Amaretto.  Plus we had Pumpkin Martinis- equal parts vodka and pumpkin liquor, you can't go wrong!

With cocktails flowing we were ready for some full on girl time!  We played the Sex and the City Board Game and enjoyed a few hours of girl talk, which included bitching about our significant others/husbands, work, and life in general.  We then moved on to karaoke, did you know that there are karaoke stations through on demand with optimum?  If you didn't and you love karaoke, check it out!  After Amanda's boyfriend came home, we pulled out the rock band and jammed with that for a while and eventually Shannon's husband showed up to bring her home but he stayed and we all chatted for another hour or so.  When it was all said and done, it was just after midnight, A3 (the third Amanda in our office, hence her nickname) and Shannon went home, and I had a good buzz going, so I crashed in the spare bedroom.

(a collage I stole from Shannon's instragram,

if you're interest, you can find more pics on my instagram feed.)

It was a hugely successful night!  These 3 women have become some of my closest confidants (besides my best friend) over the last couple of months, I feel like I can tell them anything and they'll give me their honest opinion.  I'm so lucky to be working with them and be able to call them my friends.  It's been a long time since I had a girls night, I didn't realize how much I needed that.  A chance to kick back, relax, eat and drink to my hearts content can do wonders for the soul.  I feel much more at peace now about my decision to leave Jim and while I'm sad that I'll be moving away from them, I know that I'll always be able to come back to NJ and hang out, and they better get their butts down to PA for trips into Philly.

Italian Cookie Cocktail:

Ingredients:
1 bottle Amaretto
1 large can of pineapple juice
1 cup vodka
nutmeg and cinnamon to taste

Instructions:
Pour it all into a pitcher with ice, stir, and pour.  It's that simple!!!



Have you had a girls night in recently?  What's your favorite thing to do with your besties?

Photo Challenge and March Goals

It's March!  Do you know what that means?  That means someday soon the snow will melt and the flowers will bloom... soon everything will be green in honor of St. Patrick's Day... and it's really time to get my butt in gear and stop dragging along through this year!

First of all, I'll be taking part in the Northeast Bloggers photo challenge on Instagram!  Please feel free to follow me and also take part in the challenge.  I've claimed that I will be things like this in the past and didn't follow through so I'm holding myself accountable by putting it here for all the world to see.

Second, it's time to get some things straightened out in my personal life.  I've alluded to the troubles in my marriage and almost living Jim over the past few months.  To be completely honest and open with you all, I've been having a dream since before a turned 30.  In the dream, he and I are fighting and I scream at him- "I started my 20's with you, I'll be damned if I start my 30's with you."  It's time to do what my subconscious, my family, and many of my friends have been telling me to do.  It's time to leave.  I'll never get what I want from him- security, affection, respect, a family, etc... Instead of wasting more empty and pointless years it's time to get out and see what happens.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm terrified, what if I end up alone, what if I'm making a mistake?  Honestly, it's better to be alone than in bad or wrong company.  It's not a mistake if it's eating away at me, if it makes me sick to be around him.  It's not a mistake to break away from someone who never builds me up and always puts me down.  It's simply not a mistake. 

I'm taking a huge step by putting this here.  This makes it permanent.  I can't go back now.  Just like the photo challenge (which I do realize this is infinitely bigger than the challenge) I have to follow through with this.

I'll be honest, I haven't told Jim yet.  However, I have made some plans with my parents and will be working out more the details over the next week or so.  I plan to share some although maybe not everything here.  The point of this blog is to share my story, so that's what I'll do.  Ultimately, I want to build myself up, find my voice again, and help others who have been emotionally and verbally abused do the same. 

There you have it!  My goals for March- finish a photo challenge and leave my husband!  Pretty darn unbalanced goals if I do say so myself, but I guess it's nice to have something fun to do while undoing the last 11 years of my life.

I feel like all the blogs out there are from happy wives and mothers- are any of you divorced?  Have any of you been in a similar situation?

Suggestions, recommendations, and advice will be HUGELY appreciated!


(All weekend posts are shared with...)